Daze of My Life/I’m Dreaming, Too

by Kenneth B. Lourie


On Nov. 19, at 8:25 p.m., the 2003 Christmas season officially began, for me anyhow. The confirmation came the following afternoon, Nov. 20, at 2:47 as I was driving home from Gaithersburg. And though I had previously noticed Christmas gift wrap for sale BEFORE HALLOWEEN at a CVS Pharmacy near my home in Burtonsville, it wasn’t until I heard Bing Crosby crooning about and dreaming for a “White Christmas,” twice, on radio station WASH FM 97.1 - BEFORE THANKSGIVING - that I acknowledged its early arrival. And so I thought I would sit down and write a column about a recurring problem that I and hopefully others have, beginning every year around this time.

It seems like only yesterday that I finished paying off some of my credit cards that still had Christmas activity, shall we say, on them - presents, gift certificates, food, beverages and travel expenses - as part of their outstanding, and still accruing interest, balances. In fact, it was yesterday. I remember it well. Eliminating credit card debt and in turn reducing monthly obligations is one of my favorite indications that financial improvement is indeed possible. But hearing Bing sing those all-too-familiar verses snapped me back to reality. Christmas may come only once a year, but some of its effects - financial, emotional and familial - may be felt for years.

As a Jewish husband in a mixed-religion marriage, I admit that it’s easy for me to get maxed out, emotionally (and financially), during the Christmas rush.

I don’t know how I can be expected to embrace traditions and feelings with which I have no real history or connection (other than singing Christmas songs in elementary school). It’s sort of like rooting for the home team after you’ve recently moved into the area. As a Bostonian who attended college in Maryland, I wasn’t about to trade in my loyalty and commitment to Boston’s sports teams simply because I relocated 500 miles away. I’m no quitter, and besides, I was proud of my affiliations. I saw no reason to change.

When the sights and sounds and bells and whistles of Christmas return, I know it’s only a matter of time - nanoseconds most likely - before yours truly will misstep and misspeak and accidentally stir the wrong pot. I don’t think I mean anything by it, other than it matters less to me than it does to others, but the effects, nonetheless are still the same - stress and/or hurt feelings.

Simply stated, I’m not nearly as comfortable and compatible with the seasonal swings as others for whom this holiday experience is more ingrained.

But how could it be? I wasn’t born yesterday. I was born in the ’50s, so I’ve lived a lot of years already, becoming - certainly not perfecting - who I am and believing in what I do. And it’s not easy casting aside (even for just a few weeks) long-standing and fully developed instincts.

Look, I’m not exactly a light switch. I can’t be turned on and off. I’m more like a dimmer. I can be adjusted and I can accommodate different situations, but I can’t be something I’m not. However, if you handle me correctly, you might find the perfect setting. I’m not making any promises, just providing a little insight. I’m not there yet, though. Still I have hope, that one day, in the not-too-distant future, when I hear “White Christmas” on the radio, I’ll smile rather than frown. After all, Christmas “tis the season” to be jolly, right?

Lourie is a regionally syndicated columnist who resides in Burtonsville, MD.