Daze of My Life/Believe It, or Not

by Kenneth B. Lourie

What’s with the fruit-type “cleaning action” in household all-purpose cleaning products - lemon, lime, orange and most recently, apple - that have come onto the market lately? I thought fruits and vegetables were exclusively for eating. Apparently not. Fruit it seems is also for household cleaning. Elbow grease isn’t enough, anymore. Now you need something other than those elbows to “bite into tough grease.”

And what’s better for you than fruits and vegetables? Although if you read the labels on most household cleaning products, they shouldn’t be taken internally. Still, fruit (and vegetables) have a reputation for being healthy for you, and healthy sort of means effective, and household cleaning products need to be effective, so what better hook to bait than one with a built-in healthy/effective connotation?

Moreover, I imagine there are scores of taste/cleaning tests where individuals cleaning their kitchen counters or bathroom tile (as a few examples) were able to clearly see the difference between using household cleaning products that had fruits’ effectiveness chemically implanted vs. using cleaners that had no fruit compounds included. And I’m sure there are also test results that show that rubbing that same countertop or tile with an orange or an apple is much less effective than using one of the new products with the power of lemon (as an example, again), whatever that is, already mixed in.

And furthermore, I’m positive there will be government-mandated disclaimers advising cleaning consumers that fruit-empowered household cleaners should not replace a balanced approach to maintaining a clean residence, and that these fruity cleaners are not a substitute for hard work and should only be used in conjunction with a safe and effective program aimed at minimizing one’s dependence on certain types of household cleaning products.

That may be difficult, however. If cleanliness is indeed next to godliness, then the manufacturers of these household cleaning products may have stumbled onto a way to bridge the heretofore unknown separation of church and fruit. If by using fruit-flavored cleaning products individuals can clean their homes in a style and substance that is acceptable to their religious and philosophical beliefs, it may bring them greater satisfaction in this life and/or maybe even salvation in the next. Generally speaking, who doesn’t want to live his life in a manner that brings him closer to his God?

And if simply buying and using household cleaning products that utilize the healthy and effective power of fruit not only will clean, sanitize and deodorize your house but will support your most personal religious convictions, then it is a product selection well worth making.

Who would have thought that a simple, everyday-type product (fruit) could have such an energizing effect? I certainly knew fruits (and vegetables) were good for you, but until I noticed them as ingredients in household cleaning products, I never truly realized how important they were. I just hope it’s not too late for me to make a clean sweep of things and start springtime fresh.

Lourie is a regionally syndicated columnist who resides in Burtonsville, MD.