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Voices in My Head: A Fair Tax

Voices in My Head
A Fair Tax

In this election year we have heard a lot about changing the current tax system. Every politician has their view on what action to take but because they're politicians, nobody really trusts them. I have found the answer. My tax system will work perfectly and everyone will be happy to adopt it.
Step One of my tax systems is income tax. It's my money, I had to work for it and put up with all the idiots I work with so I'm keeping it. Period. It's mine and you can't have any. So far I'm sure you love my tax system.
Step Two of my tax system is this...Eliminate all sales tax on the stuff I buy. Most of the stuff I buy is going to fall apart or be worthless in three years or less anyway so why should I have to pay a tax on it.
Step Three is remove the Property Tax. I need someplace to live and I paid for the land. I have always felt that Property Tax should be illegal.
Right now you're saying, "That's great, Artie, but you've just eliminated all taxes. How are we supposed to pay the police, fireman, and school workers?"
It's simple really. You add taxes to all the fun stuff or stuff we need to get rid of in society. People will pay any price for certain things. For example, the government should tax rock concerts. Kids will pay anything to see their favorite bands. They also have the most disposable income. They would gladly pay an extra two dollars to see the show. I know every year when I buy my Jimmy Buffett tickets, I could care less what they cost me.
Another bold step would be to legalize all drugs and tax them. Sure the first few years might be a little tough because half of America's workforce will be high or tripping on acid but the revenue would be staggering. It would also create jobs because we would need hundreds more rehabilitation outfits in the country.
Guns and cigarettes should be heavily taxed. These are two of the biggest killers in our country. By taxing them both we would reduce their existence in society.
We need to focus our tax structure where the money resides. We shouldn't be taxing middle or low income people. We are the ones who need the money the most. Taxes should be heavier on the people who are the wealthiest. Therefore I propose we tax rich people as such; all luxury cars will be heavily taxed. All five star resorts will be heavily taxed. Caviar, fine wine, fancy cigars, all heavily taxed.
The final place we need to look for taxation is stupidity. For example, if a person gets arrested for drunk driving they should be fined, jailed etc. If a person gets arrested for drunk driving three times then they should be ordered to pay a stupidity tax.
Nobody likes taxes but unfortunately they are a necessary evil. I love America and the freedoms we have here. Without taxes our country would resemble an under developed, poor nation who's leaders do not know how to govern a society properly.
I guess I'll keep paying my taxes and thank God we're not living in the same situation that Cuba has endured for over fifty years. Can you imagine having one family running the country for years and years? At least we had the Clintons in between the Bushes.

Artie Leary can be reached at

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