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Voices in My Head: Anything You Can Do I Can Do Better

Voices in My Head
Anything You Can Do I Can Do Better

Upon learning of Al Gore's triumphant acceptance of the Nobel Prize for his work with Global Warming, President George Bush vowed that he too would one day receive the praise and recognition being enjoyed by his once bitter rival.
George was quoted as saying "Once again Mr. Gore is riding my coat tails, stealing my thunder and trying to overshadow my genius. If it weren't for me creating Global Warming, where would Mr. Gore be now? Think about it". At which point the president is said to have snickered and jumped back into his V8 pickup truck out on his Texas Ranch.
Upon returning to the White House the President decided to sit down and brain storm some ideas for getting his own Nobel Prize. Below is a list of ideas and the response he received from Vice President Dick Cheney when asked for an opinion on which topic was most likely to catch the "Nobel Blue Ribbon" as he put it.
George Bush: Thanks for taking the time to listen Dick. Here's what I came up with. My first idea is some sort of numbering system for books. You know, like you go into one of them book buildings and instead of all the Harry Potter's being mixed in with all the boring stuff like science and history books, we could number them and they could each have their own shelves.
Dick Cheney: Sir, have you ever been to a library?
George Bush: A cure for herpes. My pop is good friends with Bill Clinton and he says Bill has some sort of cream that he puts on at night and by the next day he's ready to hit the nightclubs again.
Dick Cheney: Ah, no.
George Bush: Ok, Ok, well this one you're gonna love. How about a picture of the world with all the names of the countries on it? This way we don't always have to go ask my mom where different countries is. We can just look at this picture and see for ourselves. It's like my gran-pappy used to say. You can teach a man to scratch his own...
Dick Cheney: It's called a MAP sir! We really should get back to work on this Iraq problem.
George Bush: Hold on Dick, now just hold on! This one you're sure to love. I was saving this for last because I knew it would knock your socks off. What if I were to tell you I've come up with a way to revolutionize the way we travel?
Dick Cheney: Keep talking.
George Bush: See Dickey, I knew you'd like it. It works like this. You know how every time I sneak out without the Secret Service knowing and I go down to Dairy Queen to get my favorite type of ice cream cone?
Dick Cheney: You do what?
George Bush: Doesn't matter. What usually happens is I get lost on the way there or the way back. Now you know how I hate to ask for directions. And you know I sure as heck ain't gonna admit I made a mistake.
Dick Cheney: Yeah, I've noticed that about you.
George Bush: Well what if we create a machine that actually knows where you are and can tell you how to get home? Wouldn't that just beat all?
Dick Cheney: It's called a GPS sir.
George Bush: Close. It's called GDM. It's short for George's Directions Machine.
Dick Cheney: That's great sir. Now if you don't mind we have other things to focus on for now. Maybe you could look into these after we leave office?
George Bush: Fair enough. Hey Dick, did you know I have the same first name as George Washington?
Dick Cheney: Yes sir, I did.
George Bush: Do you think me and him is related? Kind of like me and my dad. His name is George and he was president too you know.
Dick Cheney: Did you have your nap today sir?
George Bush: Couldn't. I was too excited about all these great ideas I had in the same day.

Artie Leary can be reached at

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