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Our Families, Our Selves

Our Families, Our Selves
by Sheri Rosenthal

One of the most beautiful aspects of life is that it's always reflecting to us exactly what needs to change within ourselves. If I could categorize the types of situations that push our buttons the most, I would say without hesitation - that family is number one - top of the list.
So why does family challenge us so much? And why do we find it so difficult to keep ourselves calm and centered around family? Many of us can be in difficult situations at work, but give us five minutes with our parents or siblings, and all hell breaks loose!
Let's think about this logically. Most of our first agreements and beliefs were created with and around our family. We made these agreements at a time when we had limited experience in the world and not all the beliefs we agreed to be "truthful" or "healthy." If you have children yourself, you can see how often your children come to conclusions about things that are not the truth. When you see this, you have a talk with your child and help them to see things in a different, less egocentric way - but what about the times when you are not aware of what they are agreeing to?
The same goes for us. Just because we believe something about our family does not mean that what we believe is truth. You might be prompted to say, "Yes, Sheri it is, I can see the way my family acts and speaks to me." But it's important to understand that we create our reality and we create situations to trap our family members into behaving exactly like we need them to in order to prove that what we believe about them to be true!
We are constantly manipulating our loved ones (and they are doing the same to us) to behave the way we want them to behave so that we can justify and rationalize our opinions about them. No, we are not mean and evil people, as we do this without our awareness. The reason we do this without our awareness is because we have an agreement as a society that "things happen to us" and that we are "victims of life out there." Except there is no "out there." We project our reality out upon the frame of the dream.
As warriors, we take responsibility for our creation. We wake up and no longer want to be a victim of life - and instead we speak and act with impeccability and love. We no longer become trapped by the actions of others, and we no longer have the desire to make our family fit into the image we have of them. This is very powerful, and it takes rejection of the denial system of the ego-mind to be able to see what I am sharing with you today.
I encourage you to engage your family this holiday season for the purpose of seeing how you create your reality, and to forgive, have gratitude and appreciation for those you supposedly love the most.

Dr. Sheri Rosenthal is a master Toltec teacher and author of The Complete Idiot's Guide to Toltec Wisdom and WITH Forgiveness. Having trained with don Miguel Ruiz, author of The Four Agreements, she currently takes students on spiritual journeys, works with personal apprentices and enjoys being extremely happy. You can reach her at and

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